Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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