Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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