I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
