2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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