please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize