make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
