Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
