i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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