Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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