see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
