I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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