One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
