She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
