Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
