I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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