i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
