He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
