i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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