Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
