Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize