i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
