her facebook's as public as her vagina
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize