New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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