Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
