I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
