come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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