my mouth tastes like poor choices
operation have a gay friend backfired
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
