it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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