You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
