the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
