i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
