I can tuck mytits in my pants
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
