Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
