I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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