Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just want nice things and good sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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