We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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