at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
