I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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