I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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