Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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