I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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