Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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