Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
