K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
