I puked a lego.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A bitchslap is in order.
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