she was so not down for the gang bang
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
