So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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