why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
