Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
