Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
