hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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