marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
