oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
