She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
