So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
