It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This house was built for laser tag.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
