Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
