You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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