Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
