You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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