i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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