I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize