You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
