Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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