not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
