i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
