6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
