Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want her autograph on my taint
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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