do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
