Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
