I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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