I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
