My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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