at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
