we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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