i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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