I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
