p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
