I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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