Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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