I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
