Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize