if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
